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It’s Rarely About the Stuff: What Clutter Is Really About
I spent three weeks arguing with a stack of books.
Not out loud. In my head, every time I worked in my office and looked at my bookshelf. Old acting books from my New York years. Chekhov. Tennessee Williams. The scripts I built a whole identity around.
I kept telling myself I would deal with them later. But the truth is, I was scared and overwhelmed at the thought. If I let those books go, was I going to lose part of myself? Was I going to lose the girl who moved to the city with nothing but a babysitting job and a dream?
Here is what I finally understood.
It was never really about the books.
When Valerie Gibson Jones had me on The Purpose Project podcast, she opened by telling her listeners something I loved. This is not an episode about your junk drawer. It is about weight.
She read my book’s theme verse Hebrews 12:1 over us. “Let us strip off every weight that slows us down.”
That is the thing about clutter. It is rarely about the stuff.
The stuff is just the part you can see. Underneath it is something heavier. A fear that God will not provide again. A memory you are scared to lose. A version of yourself you outgrew but cannot quite set down. Sometimes it is simply time and priority (I have a toddler now, so trust me, I understand). But often it is tender. And that is why it feels so hard.
What finally freed me was something my friend Glennda helped me see.
The connection is not in the item. The emotion, the memory, the connection… it was never physically in those books. They are in me.
So, I could let them go and keep every bit of what they gave me. I gave some to an acting friend, and some to a young woman studying theater. And I felt this weight lift right off my shoulders.
That girl from New York? She is still in me. I did not lose her. I just made room for who God is growing me into right now.
That is the R in my G.R.A.C.E. Method. Release. It is my favorite, because when you release what you no longer need, you open the door for something new to walk in.
And if you think you are the only one buried under it, you are not. A few numbers from the book that stopped Valerie cold:
- One in four of us has a clutter problem.
- The average home holds more than 300,000 items (and that study was done before we all started one-click ordering from our phones).
- We are the most materially rich society in human history.
- We lose about two and a half days a year just looking for things we already own.
We are carrying so much. No wonder we are tired.
What your home is actually making room for
Your home is the foundation that holds your family, your rest, your walk with God. When I released those books, I was not just clearing a shelf. I was making room to be present with my son, with my husband, with the life in front of me instead of the one behind me.
When we adopted our little boy, I needed all the tiny-baby things to help him thrive. He is a toddler now. He does not need them anymore, and neither do I. So I can pass them on with an open hand.
That is the quiet gift of releasing. Your home starts holding your actual life again. (If you feel a whole new season pressing in, I wrote more about that here.)
And room to finally be still
There is a verse I love that I mentioned in our conversation: “Be still and know that I am God.”
But how do you be still when your phone, your TV, and a whole room full of clutter are all talking at once, all asking you to decide something?
Every pile is a decision you have not made yet. And they are loud.
No wonder we cannot hear Him. Sometimes making room in your home is really about making room to LISTEN. To listen to our loved ones. To ourselves. To God.
Valerie ended our conversation with one question. Not a challenge to overhaul your whole house this weekend. Just one gentle question.
“What might you be carrying that God is asking you to release?”
You do not have to answer it today. You can sit with it, tea and journal in hand.
But if it stirred something in you, come listen to the whole conversation. It is one of the most beautiful ones I have been part of, and Valerie’s words will stay with you.
🎧 Listen here: Apple · Spotify · Watch the short
Do You Need a Little More Guidance? I Got You!
When you are ready to do this with support, my book Reclaim Your Space with G.R.A.C.E. will walk you through it, or you can work with me one-on-one.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does “it’s rarely about the stuff” mean? It means the clutter you can see is usually the physical manifestation of something underneath it. Time, priority, fear, scarcity, or the worry that letting go of an item means losing a memory or a person. When you name what is really there, the releasing gets a lot lighter.
Why does decluttering feel so emotional? Because you are not just sorting objects. You are meeting your past, your present, and who you are becoming, all at once. That is holy work, and it deserves grace. There is no shame in needing to stop, pray, or come back to a box when you are ready.
How do I let go of sentimental items without losing the memory? Remember that the feeling is not in the item, it is in you. You can release the thing and still sit down with a cup of tea and revisit that memory anytime. Take a photo, keep one meaningful piece instead of ten, and bless someone else with the rest.
Where do I start if I am overwhelmed? Close your eyes and walk through your home. Notice the space that is stressing you out the most, and start there for the fastest relief. Just not memorabilia. That one is too heavy to open with. (More on that in Start Where You’re Stuck.)
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